Aaj English TV

Thursday, March 28, 2024  
17 Ramadan 1445  

Growing up a middle-class girl in a man’s world

I was treated as someone inferior or dumb just because I didn't go to the same restaurants or buy the same things my friends did
Art credit: Aaj News/M. Obair
Art credit: Aaj News/M. Obair

To say that middle-class girls suffer the most in Pakistan would be an understatement. I’ve grown up with the mindset that I’ve to be successful one day. If not successful, then I should marry someone who is ‘rich’ or has enough to provide for me for a lifetime.

I’ve studied in English-medium schools, lived with all sorts of people, and met hundreds who were judgmental about my background. It got to the point where people mocked me for being poor or not being able to afford a car when I was a child. At that time, I had no idea what ‘ameer’ (rich) or ‘ghareeb’ (poor) was but a classmate of mine gave me a lesson in classist ideologies in the worst way possible.

I was treated as someone inferior or dumb just because I didn’t go to the same restaurants or buy the same things my friends did. It had such an impact that for a long time I avoided inviting my ‘friends’ to my house for fear that I would be judged for living in a rather small apartment.

I had no idea what ‘ameer’ (rich) or ‘ghareeb’ (poor) was

Thankfully, that insecurity faded when I was mature enough to realize how silly it was to consider myself a lesser person because of such things. I grew more confident in my skin, and started being more open about myself and my situations because there really was nothing wrong with me. It were my ‘friends’ mindsets that were at fault.

Fast forward to college when I first realized the responsibility to support my parents. As an only child, a daughter at that, was something that made me struggle the most. There were many times when I cried my eyes out, wishing my parents had had a son rather than a daughter. So often I wished that I were a man instead of someone who is considered a burden by society to be married off as soon as she hits puberty.

I was treated as someone inferior or dumb just because I didn’t go to the same restaurants or buy the same things my friends did

But I stood my ground. I knew there was no one but me to support parents once their hair turn grey and their bones get weak. I can’t depend on a super-man to help me out. They don’t exist.

I had to start from scratch. During the pandemic, I searched and found ‘content writing’ assignments. I tried work-from-home jobs because a girl going out to work is something that is frowned upon. It would result in lectures to my parents on how I was ‘characterless’ for working long hours outside. This moral police, who will interfere in your business at every opportunity, will nowhere to be found when you or your family needs help.

I started to do freelance work. I worked for a client for three long years. I was paid literally pennies for long, stressful tasks till the point I broke and had to take a break from everything. By this time, I was enrolled in a prestigious university. Once more, the guilt of wasting my parents’ money was back. I had to do something.

This is when I returned to freelancing. I worked long hours, day and night, putting aside leisure activities, stopping myself from buying anything for myself, saying no to most of my friends’ hangouts, and earning enough to cover at least half of my university fee.

The struggle continues to this day. But I have high hopes and big dreams that I want to achieve: make my parents sit at home and enjoy the rest of their lives while I provide for them just like they provided for me. They say it is only a man’s duty to support or provide for his family. Well, they are wrong.

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